BY NOLIE WAGNER (’15)

It has come to my attention that we could be facing a serious epidemic when it comes to interacting across party lines. I have seen with my own eyes, democrats and republicans attempting to understand each other. Why, just last week, two people on the sidewalk were trying to explain their side of societal matters to a species of the opposite party. They both must have been hard at hearing, because in order to get their points across, they kept having to speak very loudly and accidentally talked over one another. They must not have heard the other person still talking. It is quite a site and is extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved. I, myself feel my stomach turning when I witness such an event. After all, how could one expect to understand another human being with different political views?

However, there is still hope. We can save this country with only a few minor changes to our lifestyle. All that needs to be done is a complete remodeling of our living spaces. It would save a lot of stress if we could learn to only interact with those of our same political party. In order to do this, there must be two areas of living in each city: one for democrats, the other for republican. Both areas of living must have the necessities to manage their life on their own without having to cross over party borders to buy food or visit a doctor.

This masterful plan would solve all societal disputes. Not only would we be able to agree upon things faster, but it would also save us from wasting our time trying to understand a member of the opposite party. It was always such a pitiful site when two humans of the opposite societal species tried to actually understand where the other person was coming from. Under this plan, so much time that was wasted on frivolous empathic endeavors will now be well spent in hearing our own views echoed in everyone we are surrounded by. After all, there is only one correct opinion.

Of course, with a fail proof plan such as this, there are many solutions. For each side of the city, there would be a different mayor and a different set of politicians that correspond to the party lines. Nationally, there would be two presidents: one democrat, one republican. This would save all of the turmoil that occurs when a member of the opposite party gets elected to make decisions for the next four years. We would never have to compromise any of our desires, and no one will have to feel like the whole world is crashing down around them should they not get their way. Under this plan, no human being will have to interact with another human being of the opposite party. Republicans will only marry republicans. Democrats will only marry democrats. Children will only have to worry about meeting with other children of their family’s same beliefs. That way, no child will ever accidentally stray to the opposite party and break their family apart. Nothing would disturb the sweet bliss of ignorance.

Should we try to solve this problem in any other way would just be a waste of time. Why would anyone want to understand where another human being is coming from? Listening to the ideas of others is so much work and would only result in more opposition. It is a known fact that members of opposite party cannot have any ideas with merit or similarities to your own. There are only two ways of looking at life and those two ways can never mesh. It would be ridiculous if we taught our children to look critically at their beliefs and evaluate their own truth. Doing such would be a laughable matter.

If we implement this plan, there could be no way that it will go wrong. Beliefs never change and life is always more exciting when everyone agrees with you. It is best to keep a closed mind when it comes to listening to others. God forbid you find an idea with merit coming from someone that has different views than yourself.