You’ll hear this sentiment probably over a thousand times in your life.

“Oh, you should be more confident!” “It’s all in the confidence!” “Confidence is attractive!”

What people often neglect to reveal, though, is how this confidence is created and maintained. Or, well, not necessarily created – we all had a sense of confidence when we were younger, so it’s still in there, somewhere.

In my eyes, confidence comes from two main components: the result of the decisions you make and the support of the people around you. To really, truly, feel assured in yourself, I think both of these factors are equally important. 

When I look back to times in my life where my confidence was at its lowest, it was always the times when I had a friend group that I wouldn’t really describe as supportive. These types of friend groups usually feed off negativity, whether that be focused in-group or out-group.

So, if you found yourself reading this and thinking, I don’t really have support from the people around me, then I’m going to guess that you also aren’t particularly satisfied with those people in general. Friends (and family) build each other up and support one another, and that is what creates a sense of community and stability that often breeds confidence. 

A lot of self-confidence – although the feeling is internal – stems from how supportive and nuturing your friend group is. And this doesn’t always have to be “in your face” – maybe just the knowledge that your friends will always support you is enough. Especially with male groups, the support isn’t as verbalized. But as long as you know it’s there, confidence will soon follow. 

The decisions you make are just as essential in order to maintain confidence. 

Wearing those clothes you like, parting the hair the way you want, deciding to speak up or stand up for yourself in school. Instead of shrinking down, you choose to do more of the things that you want to, even if you’re scared. 

And starting to do this, especially when you haven’t for a long time, is a little bit scary. But it’s easy to start out slow. The decisions that you make for yourself (often, whether they turn out to be “good” or not) will give you some sort of independence, and therefore confidence. It’s a cause and effect circumstance. Making these small changes throughout your day will end up having a big impact on your state of assuredness. 

But, really, what is the importance of having confidence? Does it really matter?

Yes. 100% yes. It makes your mentality much more positive, as well as bringing up happiness levels in general. Especially in high school, confidence allows you to brush off unwarranted criticism and issues that normally would bother you, if your confidence levels were lower. 

Problems become less like problems and more like inconveniences. Stress related to body image and other insecurities doesn’t disappear, but lessens noticably. And, of course, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance or vanity. Being sure of yourself and believing that you are always better than everyone else are two extremely different ideas, and ones that have entirely different effects on your mentality.

To go back to the questions posed at the beginning: it’s all true. And it’s not that hard to achieve true confidence as you might think.