BY CHRIS VOLZKE (’17)
Thanksgiving, everyone’s favorite forgotten holiday, is the best holiday for a man. Flannel and beard season is in full swing, the food is just incredible and football season is at its peak.
The most important part of Thanksgiving is the food. Turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy are essential to a successful manly Thanksgiving. So when you are making your meal this Thanksgiving, skip over the rabbit food (salad) and skip straight to the goods.
Remember while eating to use the proper manly etiquette for food. Pick up your turkey leg, don’t use a fork and knife like a wuss. Just use your hand, you turkey. And one last thing for food, a real man can eat a whole Turducken in less than 1 single hour. So lets find out what kind of man you really are and eat a whole Turducken this Thursday.
Make sure you dress appropriately for your family gathering. At this point in November you should have a full beard, and if you have touched a razor at all this month, then shame on you. No real man touches a razor during the month of November because we know that is one of the 7 deadly bearded man’s sins. Make sure you oil that thing up beforehand.
As far as clothes go, flannel with jeans; anything else is unacceptable, with the exception of a football jersey if your favorite team is playing Thanksgiving day.
Black Friday is a rather popular tradition during the Thanksgiving season and it is perfectly acceptable for a real man to go shopping to get all the deals; however, skipping your family gathering or leaving early to get the your favorite store is wrong. Stay with your family and visit, you only get to see some family a couple of times a year.
Remember to enjoy Thanksgiving and all of the great things it brings. Eat a lot, watch a lot of football, spend a lot of time with family and quit shaving.
